They find God under the patchwork frame of steel.

In a bid to turn me away from my paganistic ways, my parents dragged me to City Harvest for reasons unknown. Maybe they thought that all the loud rock music might attract me to Christianity.

Needless to say, I spent the worship sitting on a chair, folding my arms and scowling. (I have an excuse for the sitting down. Open House hardly gives one a chance to rest.)




[start of comments that may offend some people]

For me, it just seems like the same brainwashing/hypnotism technique that all churches use, except with electric guitars, drums and clever use of lighting. Extremely clever use of lighting. They get everybody high with the jumpy songs, and then break into the slow, repenting ballads, followed by the "We dedicate our loves to you Jesus" songs. Then come the prayers and speaking in tongues and so on.

What I found disturbing was that, with a cue from the people on stage, everybody starts to do the same thing. Give a cue to jump, they all jump. Give a cue to clap in a certain rhythm, and they do so. The energy during the worship was immense, with the sound of hundreds of shouting people, all singing and dancing in unison and following the insructions of the people on stage. Imagine what one could do with that energy, that power. Like the "three-minutes hate" against Goldstein in 1984, or to a lesser extent, the sheep in Animal Farm..

[/end of comments]


I do think I'm a non-conformist, or at the very least I just don't like a lot of mainstream media (meaning books, music, etc.) So, maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm not a Christian. It's too.. for the lack of a better word, popular.

I'm spoiled by my eccentricity.

November, the month of, uh, Noves.

NOVEMBER:

Has a lot of ideas.
Difficult to fathom.
Thinks forward.
Unique and brilliant.
Extraordinary ideas.
Sharp thinking.
Fine and strong clairvoyance. (Um.)
Can become good doctors. (Don't want to become a doctor.)
Dynamic in personality. (Dynamic! What a keyword.)
Secretive.
Inquisitive.
Knows how to dig secrets. (hi-ho-hi-ho, it's off to work we go)
Always thinking.
Less talkative but amiable.
Brave and generous.
Patient.
Stubborn and hard-hearted.
If there is a will, there is a way. (If there's a will, there are relatives.)
Determined.
Never give up. (Wad bad England.)
Hardly becomes angry unless provoked.
Loves to be alone.
Thinks differently from others.
Sharp-minded.
Motivates oneself.
Does not appreciate praises.
High-spirited.
Well-built and tough.
Deep love and emotions. (..What the hell are they trying to say?)
Romantic. (Bring on the red wine and sunsets.)
Uncertain in relationships.
Homely.
Hardworking.
High abilities.
Trustworthy.
Honest and keeps secrets. (:D)
Not able to control emotions.
Unpredictable.

New Skin!

See for yourself.

I've only cried for or about three things in my life. My cats, my family and chinese. I plan to keep it that way.

I shall go to bed with this heavy, achy feeling in my chest, and be angry/depressed about life in general.

Congrats my dear. Have fun without me.

I am unhappy. And I think I have been unhappy for a long time.

Rainy days are for writing.

Well. There was a lovely storm today. On Good Friday too. What a coincidence.
A tree fell, outdoor chairs flew, and Christians went to church.
I realise I haven't made a coherent post in a long time. I shall attempt to do so now.

Right. Where do I start?

Ah yes.

I don't think many people know about my problem with religion. Christianity to be precise. Although by posting it here I'm effectively broadcasting the problem in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS. Bright red letters I might add.

Anyway, Tiff, Ele and Wynne, I'm extremely thankful for your understanding. Tiffany for being "besties" with me even though you're a staunch Christian, Ele for talking with me that day, and Wynne for.. being Wynne and griping.

My parents are wonderful people. I love them, I really, really do. Except when Christianity is concerned. I know it must be.. worrying for their eldest child to not follow their faith, but I just wish they would accept that I need some breathing space to think because religion is an extremely touchy issue and stop bloody pushing me and I am writing in run-on sentences because, God dammit, because it's so fucking frustrating.

This obviously isn't working. I need to rant and vent.

[rant]

Stop fucking pushing me to go to church. Stop making me listen to sermons on those bloody Alpha tapes by Nicky whatsisface. Stop preaching to me about healing and God, and how I need God in my life. Stop telling other people, like koh poh cheng and my fucking MATH TUTOR that I am not embracing your God.

There. I said it. YOUR GOD. Not mine.

As for my life, it's MINE. If I choose not to follow the Christian faith then it's MY GODDAMN DECISION NOT TO. Stop trying to make me join it. You. Are merely making it worse.

Bloody HELL. Stop USING that BLOODY scenario when it's the end of the world and we're all in heaven except for me because I'll be burning in hell for not following your God. Stop telling me that you'd be extremely sad that I'm in hell burning because FUCK IT. You WON'T BE. You'll be in Heaven, singing praises to your God wearing perfect forms and being happy. You CAN'T feel sad or sorry for me because "He"'s gonna dry your tears and calm your fears and all that other bullshit.

That's what it is to me. Bullshit. Nothing more

[/rant] I think.

I don't think I had such a big problem two or three years ago. I still went to church, sang the songs, prayed, and listened to sermons. Maybe because the Primary School I went to was Anglican with the hymns, weekly assembly-sermons and the whole shebang.

During worship, or the part where everybody sings, my church projects the lyrics up on screen so that we all can sing along.

Then one day, during worship, I read, properly read, the lyrics to the song that the congregation(and consequently, I) was singing.

And I realised that deep down, I didn't believe it. I didn't love Christ, I wouldn't die in the name of Christianity, I couldn't live my life the way the faith wanted me to. So I stopped singing.

I couldn't delude myself into continuing to do so because.. that would be betraying who I really was.

It all went downhill after that.

Factor Theorem

D:

Miss "Singapore" indeed.

(On watching Miss Singapore Universe)

Pa: What do you think of this year's line up?

Me: Singapore has no hope of winning any kind of international beauty pageant whatsoever.

Mom: Maybe they could hire foreign talent. Give some pretty Porte Rican Permanent Citizenship and send her off to Ms Universe!

Me: Yea! Like what they did for the Commonwealth games!

Pa: D: So bad all of you!

The Arts

Look at the painting provided. What is the feeling conveyed?

-dark/eerie/fear/squirmy/ Delirium /undefined/peaceful/distorted/vague.

It's all about the Wordplay.

Two Japanese students came to give us a talk about.. Japan today. I shall not make fun of their English because

1) It isn't their native language.
2) Japanese pronounciation is way different from English prononciation. (They don't have the "r" sound for one.)
3) It's extremely brave of them to speak to us.
4) I'd sound like shit if I spoke in Chinese. It works either way.

I've finished the piece that I've written for Glossolaria. Happy me.

Higher Chinese is slowly killing my soul.

5 by 5!

Thing taken off Ophie's blog. Am releasing some stress after the fucking HCL test.

FIVE BY FIVE: Me

five things you are:
- A GEPer forever and always
- A Pessimist
- A Gamer
- A very obvious English-speaking person
- A fledgling writer

five of your favourite (owned) things:
- My.. Cats (I shall cheat)
- My red-glass pendant
- My Playstation2
- My (handed-down) sweater
- My Books.

five of your favourite (unmet) people:
- Hideo Kojima
- Terry Pratchett
- Freddy Mercury (Fine, he's dead but still.)
- Roald Dahl (He's dead too. :( )
- Stephen Hawking

five of your bestest proudest acheivements:
- The strong friendships formed in DHS.
- The (currently being rewritten) History Drama script
- The gold I got with the DHS choir during SYF
- Getting into the GEP. >_>
-
five of your favourite songs:
- Bleeker Street by Simon and Garfunkel
- Michael by Franz Ferdinand
- Good-old Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen
- I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
- Shadows of Salford by Doves

Hilarity.

caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
why are you junli?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I'm not junli.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
okay...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
WEIRD...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
It's true though. I'm not.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
then why did you write junli?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I'm not junli!
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
really?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
hm...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Yes!
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
oh...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
hmm...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
Tis is confusing
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
mmhm
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
by the way
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
hm
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
huh>
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I think I have a good idea whom you got it from.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
huh?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
what?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
the blog address.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
oh...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
are you junyi?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
why are you junyi?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
weird...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Yes my dear. -_-
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
That was some SERIOUS misreading.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
isn't ylynn= yilin
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
or something like that?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
weird...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Yes.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
then...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
No it's not!
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
Do you have two names>
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
ylynn isn't yilin!
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
FAIL.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
yi ling>
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
FAIL.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
but, why are you junyi?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
and ylynn
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Because.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
at the same time>
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
?

[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I have a split personality. -_-
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
really?!
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
No.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
COOL!
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
huh?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Oh GOD I can't believe you believed that!

caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
do you have two names then?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Apart from Tam, no.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
then who's junyi?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Me
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
duh
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
but you're tam ong ylynn
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
not junyi...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
Yes
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I am Junyi
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
as in
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
As in, it's one of my names
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
OH!!!!!!!!!!!
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
like eminem, and slim shady?
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
cool...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
uh no really
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
*not
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
your alter ego...
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
No
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
juunyi
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
No
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
COOL!!!!!
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
It's not my alter-ego.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
confusing...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
your other name?
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
To a point.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
oh...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
SO you do have two names...
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
how rad
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
No
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I don't.
[Dream] I have no one to blame but Jaime Oliver. says:
I have one name, and that's ylynn.
caitlincat@gmail.com (E-mail Address Not Verified) says:
i give up... never mind

That was extremely entertaining.

Concerning a Drama of Yesteryear

I've taken to rewriting the History Drama and working on the character descriptions and costumes. From what's been typed so far, I'm bloody glad that I don't have to act it out with people from 2K. There's no fifteen minute time limit either so I can stretch out things in a lovely sort of languid way.

Oh yes. It needs a new name. A Coolie's Lot or "The History Drama" won't fit anymore.

Suggestions anyone?